


Push Into The Sky

by monkiainen



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Altered Mental States, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Brainwashing, Community: happy_trekmas, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, Mental Coercion, Rape, Rape Recovery, Sexual Abuse, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, alternative turn of events
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-05
Updated: 2014-01-05
Packaged: 2018-01-07 13:40:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1120513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monkiainen/pseuds/monkiainen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world where everyone has a soulmate of their own, Jim Kirk thinks he will never find his. Turns out he is wrong. Only, his soulmate is not that kind of soulmate he had wished for...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Push Into The Sky

**Author's Note:**

> This is the longest fic I've ever written (my longest one prior this was.. 1500 words I think?). I'd like to thank nursedarry for betaing my story - you were amazing! I really enjoyed writing this story :)
> 
> Please note all the warnings - they are not there just for fun.

In a world where people were born with the name of their one true love written on their arm, noone was destined to live alone. At least that was what everyone believed, but the truth was a whole another matter. 

Sometimes your mate lived in a completely different solar system and your chances of meeting them were slim. Sometimes your mate would die before you had a chance to meet them and something irreplaceable would break inside you. And sometimes, even though there were only whispers of such cases, your destined mate didn’t even exist in the same timeline or the same universe than you. Those unfortunate ones knew right from the start they didn’t have a chance to ever find their one true love and thus they dedicated their lives solely to help others. Some became doctors, some became soldiers. In most cases, those unfortunates joined Starfleet in hopes of maybe and miraculously finding their way to their mate.

And so James Tiberius Kirk, son of George and Winona Kirk, found himself at the gates of Riverside Shipyard. With a one last look to his arm, Jim wondered if he would ever find the person he was supposed to mate with for life.

_”I will find you Khan Noonien Singh, even if it takes me a lifetime to do so.”_

~ ~ ~

It breaks his heart little by little, even if he never admits it aloud. There are certain expectations cast over him, and he must not show any kind of weakness. Weakness equals death, and he can’t afford it, not with so much at stake. He must survive, if for nothing else than having a chance to find his mate. Somehow he knows he won’t find his one true love from this timeline, or even from this universe. It’s more of a feeling in the back of his mind and it’s not based on anything tangible – he just senses it, and he has learned to trust his instincts over the years.

So he keeps his feelings carefully hidden under a mask of indifference and a heartless killer. People see only what they want to see, and the persons who manipulated his DNA wanted to have a perfect weapon. And weapon he becomes.

Then everything changes so suddenly that at first he has no idea how to deal with those changes. The only option he has left is to run, run as fast he can and as far away as possible. He can’t die just yet, not when he might have a chance of meeting his mate in the future.

_”I’m waiting for you James Tiberius Kirk.”_

~ ~ ~

Centuries later their paths are finally crossing, but not the way they were hoping for. At first neither of them have any idea they’re meant to be together – they’re more focused on their own agendas to notice the first stirrings of their bonds. When Kirk complains about the headaches, itchiness and nausea to Bones, even the good doctor can’t put two and two together at first. After all, he knew how his dear friend had been searching his one true love his whole life, never finding the mysterious person.

Spock mentions briefly in his report how their prisoner seems to be suffering from some sort of stomach flu, but that doesn’t ring a bell in anyone’s head. The interrogation seems pointless when their prisoner is in no shape to answer the questions, and the Captain is currently lying at the Med Bay, despite his protests.

When it looks like their prisoner is actually getting worse and worse as the time goes by, Bones grudgingly accepts that maybe he needs to be transported to Med Bay for further examinations. After all, they are not barbarians, and it would be bad for Starfleet if one of their starships accidentally killed an important prisoner. And then all hell breaks loose.

~ ~ ~

“What do you mean he’s my mate, Bones? If this is some kind of joke then it’s not funny at all!”

James T. Kirk, the captain of USS Enterprise, couldn’t believe his luck. After all these years he had been searching for his mate he had finally found him – only to discover that his one true love was apparently a suicidal madman. And a man on top of that – now where did **that** come from? Heck, he wasn’t even interested in men to start with – so far his partners have been very female. Just great. In a hindsight, Jim had never bothered to think about the fact that “Khan” could very well be a man’s name instead of some exotic female name he had never heard of. 

But even Jim couldn’t deny the pull he felt to the unknown man lying in the sickbed right next to him. There was something he wasn’t able to name – flashes of him on his back, surrendering to his mate, his cock penetrating him… No, no, no, he didn’t want to think about it. That was not him, not at all. Jim Kirk would never surrender to another man in bed, never.

The fact remained though that the stranger had his name, _James Tiberius Kirk_ , written in his arm. Bones had made all the possible tests (and a few impossible ones) to determine whether or not this stranger was some kind of impostor with a fake name in his arm, and all the tests had come back with a single result: 100 % MATE MATCH TO JAMES TIBERIUS KIRK.

No. There was some kind of mistake somewhere. Maybe their medical equipment had been compromised while they were hovering over the Qo’noS airspace, it wouldn’t be the first time something similar happened. After all, their communications devices weren’t working properly and thus they hadn’t been able to inform Starfleet that they had captured Khan in the first place. Or maybe Bones had made some sort of error when he was taking samples from the stranger. Or maybe..

“You can’t deny your fate, Captain.”

“Did I ask your opinion, Spock? I don’t remember doing so in the past few hours. Just… leave me be.”

“But Captain..”

“Go away Spock. Please.”

Once Spock had left the Med Bay, Jim sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. This wasn’t what he imagined how the first meeting with his mate would happen. How he was supposed to deal with… whatever this was, when he had no clue what he was supposed to do?

“James… I finally found you…”

That voice. So deep, so masculine, so... Suddenly Jim had an urge to rush to the sickbed to his right, to surrender to the owner of that voice. To be finally united with his mate, his one true love. No! He wouldn’t, couldn’t, not with that mad lunatic!

Jim kept his eyes closed, pretending to be asleep. He felt so sick, so alone, so incomplete, but he ignored those feelings. He was a captain, not some lovesick teenager. With those thoughts in mind Jim counted the minutes when he could get away from the Med Bay.

~ ~ ~

_The pain, the pain was too much. The lights were too bright, the sheets made his skin bleed. And the hole inside him kept on growing – soon the emptiness would swallow him. He knew the answer to make him whole was so close, so close, but he couldn’t reach it despite his attempts. Why was his mate denying him and their bond? Everything should have been right at last, but it wasn’t._

_Khan couldn’t understand. All those centuries he had been waiting for this moment, and now it was so close he could almost taste it. But.. something wasn’t right. He could sense his mate, the young and beautiful captain, right next to him. It wasn’t happiness and contentment that was radiating from his mate though, like it should be. All Khan could feel were the feelings of repulsion, denial and disappointment and those feelings were making him sick._

_Why didn’t his mate want him? Why? It hurt him so bad, the way his mate ignored him despite his pleas. No no no no…_

~ ~ ~

As the days went by, the situation got even worse. Jim kept on denying the bond between him and Khan, even though it was clear to anyone else that the Captain was suffering. It seemed to even worse for Khan though, who had been unconscious since the moment Jim had ignored him. He was having a high fever and spasms were racking his body constantly. Bones tried treat Khan the best he could, but deep inside his mind the doctor knew there was nothing he could do to save the mysterious man unless Jim acknowledged their bond. The time was ticking away and fast – soon there wasn’t going to be anything that would keep Khan from dying.

The whole crew had tried their best to talk sense to their stubborn captain, to no avail. Nothing that was said or done could make the captain change his mind, even if his own well-being was at stake.

Something had to be done and quick.

~ ~ ~

“No, I will **not** complete the bond with that... that... lunatic! I want nothing to do with him!” Jim Kirk shouted frustrated. Why couldn’t Bones just leave him be and declare him fit to duty again? There was absolutely nothing wrong with him, and the sooner this madness about his one true love stopped the better.

“You do realize that if don’t complete the bond Khan will die? And part of you will die along him?”

Bones didn’t bother to sugarcoat his words. Not that Jim would expect anything different from him, not after all these years they’ve known each other.

“You, of all people, are the last one I expected to take his side! He almost killed your mate!” Jim nearly screamed. He was so tired with this whole Khan business – it had become easier to lie himself than accept the truth about the nature of his relationship with the other man.

Bones sighed, glancing at his arm where the words _Christopher Pike_ were clearly visible. Yes, it had been a close call, but thanks to the Starfleet Medical his mate was alive and well. Something told Bones that Khan never intended to kill anyone, despite the destruction his bomb had caused at the Kelvin Memorial Archive. It had been only the building that had suffered some substantial damage – no lives had been lost. However, Bones knew whatever he said to Jim was going to get ignored. The problem was that time was running out – if Jim didn’t complete the bond between him and Khan soon, both men were going to die. Maybe it was time to take on the big guns so to speak.

~ ~ ~

Bones may have not liked the old Vulcan that called himself Selek, but it was getting obvious that the Vulcan was his only chance to make things right. It had taken Bones some time to figure things out, but eventually he had concluded that Selek was in fact Spock from a completely different timeline. Selek had promised he wouldn’t interfere with their timeline, unless it was something critical. And to Bones, the situation in hand was getting more critical by the minute.

If only Jim weren’t such a stubborn ass his life would be so much easier. Damn it, but he was a doctor, not a relationship counselor!

Still, he just couldn’t sit back and watch while his best friend killed himself with his pure stupidity. Bones hadn’t yet figured out what was Jim’s problem, exactly. It was not like Jim was homophobic, far from it. Jim had been nothing else but supportive when he heard about Bones’ one true love being another man – and had been so to various other members of his crew in a same-sex relationship. Jim had also been very accepting with inter-species relationships; although Bones wasn’t quite certain if Khan could be counted as a member of another race. His DNA might have been altered, but deep down inside he was still human. 

Maybe it was just the fact that for all they knew, Khan had started a personal war against Starfleet with no apparent reason – and if anything, Jim Kirk didn’t tolerate bullies of any kind. Or it could be that all the time Bones had knew Jim Kirk, the younger man had been a ladies man through and through. It probably wasn’t easy to him to realize that from now on he couldn’t mess around with beautiful girls – not when his one true love was a type example of an alpha male. Then again, it might have not been so much about Jim’s one true love being a man – after all, as a captain of a starship Jim had grown accustomed to be the one in charge. Giving control to someone else had never been easy on Jim, and now he was basically expected to do the one thing he most feared. That relationship was going to be a real bitch to handle, given that Jim and Khan even managed to have a relationship in the first place.

“You seem deeply troubled today, good doctor.”

Damn the sneaky Vulcans. Bones wondered, yet again, why Admiral Marcus had insisted that Selek should be aboard the Enterprise when they were first sent to capture John Harrison – or better, Khan Noonien Singh now that his true identity had been revealed. Did the Admiral know the true origin of Selek? Or was there something else Bones had no idea about? Either way, now was not the time to ponder why Selek was there – it was more of a question _how_ he could of help.

“Hypothetically speaking, what would you do if your best friend denied the bond between him and his one true love, even if doing so would kill them both?”

“I take it you’re talking about the situation concerning Captain Kirk and Khan?” Selek replied calmly, never taking his eyes off from Bones. The concern was clearly seen in the doctor’s demeanor, and the bags under his eyes told a story of a man that had spent his last days with a very little amount of sleep, but so far nothing he had done hadn’t make Jim to change his mind and face the truth.

Bones sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. He hated feeling so at loss, but so far anything he had done hadn’t made Jim to change his mind and face the truth. Bones had taken the oath to practice medicine to his best abilities, but how can you treat a patient that refuses the best treatment available for their symptoms?

And so, Bones sat down with a wise old Vulcan known as Selek, and began to make plans how to save a life of his best friend.

~ ~ ~

_Jim was standing alone at the bridge, deep in thoughts. Yet another dreadful day, but luckily they haven’t lost anyone despite the Galadoran attack. Bones was currently on Med Bay, taking care of the wounded, and he had made it very clear that Jim should too have his injuries checked. On a moment like this, Jim wondered if he could have done something differently to prevent things like to happen._

_Suddenly a pair of strong hands embraced Jim from behind. Jim sighed automatically, burying himself deeper to the warmth behind him. He was lucky to be blessed with such an amazing mate, who knew him inside out and was always there to support him._

_“You really shouldn’t blame yourself for what happened today. There was no way you could have prevented the attack”, a deep voice whispered in his ear. Khan turned Jim to face him, never letting him go from the embrace. Khan knew his young mate wasn’t as competent as he made everyone around him believe – in truth, sometimes Jim Kirk was just as scared as his crew but he never let it show. A sign of a good captain, yes, but a very dangerous path to someone with previous self-esteem issues. In the aftermath Khan was the one whose job was to pick up the pieces and rebuild Jim’s self-confidence to whole again._

_Jim didn’t say anything, as he was content just to stay there, deep in his mate’s loving embrace. The mere touch of Khan made him feel safe and loved, like nothing could hurt them as long as they were together. There had been times when Jim had felt the whole world hated him from the start: the death of his father, the absent mother, an abusing step-father, one true love he could never find. But by a miracle, Khan had showed up, completing the bond between them. If only…_

Jim woke up with a start, his head swimming with images of himself in the warm embrace of Khan’s arms. For a brief moment Jim wondered if it really could be like his dream had showed him, if Khan was the one that would make him feel loved and safe. Then, with a fierce determination, Jim pushed all those thoughts and feelings out of his head – there was no way he would ever submit himself to that man like that. He had made an oath years ago, vowing that he would never surrender again to another man in his life – and oaths were meant to be kept.

A little nagging sound in his head told him he was being a major fool, but Jim ignored it. So what if he had trouble sleeping and his head hurt constantly? So what if it felt it there was an empty hole where his heart should have been, and his whole being was screaming him to go to the Med Bay and unite with his mate? No, it wouldn’t do at all. Khan Noonien Singh was a wanted man by the Federation, and Jim’s job was to take him to the authorities. As soon as Chekov got the coolant leak in the warp core fixed, they were ready to go. The sooner the better, as Jim didn’t want to spend any more time in Khan’s proximity that was necessary.

“You shouldn’t try to ignore the bond so much. It will do nothing but harm to both of you”, a deep voice spoke behind him. Jim tried to cover his flinch by glaring the owner of the voice angrily, but didn’t succeed. There was really no point of trying to fool a Vulcan you’ve mind melded with.

Selek, or Old Spock as Jim called the Vulcan, took a step forward and stood before Jim with an indescribable look in his eyes. Almost if Selek knew exactly how he felt…

“Look, I don’t remember asking your advice Spock. Oh wait, did I say that exact line already? Yes I did, to the Spock of **my** timeline. I don’t need you or your ‘words of wisdom’ or whatever it is you’re going to offer me. Go away and leave me be!” Jim all but shouted. He was getting tired of people trying to meddle with his affairs. They were private, and were going to remain so if Jim had anything to say with the matter. Jim turned on his heels, determined to ignore Old Spock until the Vulcan left, when the next words coming out of Selek’s mouth made him stop in place: “I know how you feel, Jim. When I first found out my t’hy’la I tried to convince myself it couldn’t be so. Not only I had a male as my one true love, but **two** men were the ones completing me. I fought the lure of the bond with tooth and nail, but in the end I realized there was no point in it. The only logical solution was to embrace the bond and become the person I was destined to be”, Selek whispered.

Jim was flabbergasted. He, like everyone else, had heard the tales of having more than one true love, but had thought them to just legends. And now... an old Vulcan was telling him he once had not one but two mates? Was that even true? Jim turned to look Selek, and in utter silence Vulcan rolled up the left sleeve of his tunic. There, in bold letters, stood two names in black ink: _**JAMES TIBERIUS KIRK**_ , with _**LEONARD HORATIO MCCOY**_ right under it.

“But... how?”

Selek smiled sadly. “We were the three sides of a triangle: the focus, direction and driving force. I was the ever objective and logical; Leonard was the ever emotional and passionate; and Jim was the intuitive. Together, we were inseparable, a force of nature. It took me some time to accept the fact that my fate was bind to those two extraordinary men, but when I finally embraced the bond it was the best day of my life. I suggest you do the same with your one true love, Captain, before you both cease to be.”

With those words, Selek turned and left Jim alone with his turmoil thoughts.

~ ~ ~

That’s it. That was how it was going to work, Jim decided. No more headaches, no more “friends” trying to talk him to do something he wasn’t comfortable with. If he did this... one minor thing, both his and Khan’s lives would be saved. It was only going to take a moment.

Jim tiptoed to the Med Bay, making sure Bones was nowhere near. His oldest friend might not appreciate what Jim was about to do, and after securing the Med Bay door with an entry code only he knew it was time for action. Jim took a deep breath, and walked silently to the bed with the only occupant currently in Med Bay: Khan. Now that he was face to face with the stranger, Jim wasn’t so sure anymore if he could do what he had originally planned. Then Jim reminded himself that as a captain of a Federation Starship, he had certain responsibilities and expectations on his shoulders, and he couldn’t hide from them anymore.

Khan looked even paler than he had originally been when Jim first laid eyes on him on the surface of Qo’noS. The raven black hair had grown somewhat during Khan’s stay at the Med Bay, and Jim could see the slight curls forming at the end of Khan’s hair. The urge to push the wayward strands off Khan’s forehead took Jim by surprise, but with stubbornness Jim reminded himself that there was to be no room for slips.

Instead, Jim took the controller of Khan’s bed in his hand and started pushing the buttons to move Khan’s position. First, he had the bed flip Khan from his back to his stomach, making sure that Khan’s airways stayed open. It would be no good if he accidentally suffocated Khan during his task. Next were the limb restraints, which were reinforced to compensate with Khan’s inhuman strength. Once Jim was satisfied with his actions, he put the controller back to its original place. Now it was time for the hard part.

From what Jim had understood with his various “talks” with his friends and crew (for they were the ones talking, and Jim had tried his best not to listen), he and Khan had to complete their bond or both of them would die. The traditional way to complete the bond was, naturally, with intercourse. Since Jim was still repulsed by the idea that he was supposed to be the one to submit to his mate, he had decided to take matters to his own hands so to speak. He didn’t want to die, but that didn’t mean he had to do what everyone thought was for the best.

The sound of his zipper opening sounded unnaturally loud in the otherwise quiet Med Bay. To his horror, Jim found out he was already half-hard – as if mere Khan’s presence was making him act like a horny teenager. Jim closed his eyes and tried to remember his night with Gaila, as that had been some spectacular sex. However, the images of green skin and red hair were soon replaced with someone with pale skin and black hair – and soon Jim found himself jerking off to the image of naked Khan in his mind. 

_”No no no no no….”_ Jim whispered, opening his eyes and taking a good look at the scene around him. Here he was, standing at the Enterprise Med Bay with his hard and leaking dick in his hand, beside the bed of a man that had caused such a grief. Red mist covered Jim’s eyes, and before he even knew what he was doing, Jim had climbed on top of Khan, pulling his pajama pants down and guiding the tip of his dick to Khan’s entrance. With one strong push, Jim sheathed himself fully inside Khan. After that it all became a blur.

Jim grunted, fucking Khan in the earnest. If the other man whimpered or trashed beneath him, Jim didn’t care. He was not interested in Khan’s discomfort – he only wanted to finish this as soon as possible. Soon, Jim was orgasming inside Khan, and suddenly it felt like nothing could hurt him. The headache, the nausea... they were all gone.

Jim pulled himself out, ignoring the blood seeping from between Khan’s legs. It was all done now, and everybody could start minding their own business. Calmly, Jim made himself presentable before turning his back to Khan and leaving the Med Bay.

“Oh Jim, what have you done?”

~ ~ ~

The next couple of days were suffocating to everyone on board of Enterprise, to say the least. Yes, Khan’s condition had improved, in fact so well that Khan had been given his own private quarters and was to remain there instead of the Med Bay. The captain seemed to be in a far better mood, seemingly in a better health as well. However, despite his good mood, Jim had been far more short-tempered and prone to violent outbursts than normally. The cost for those changes had been massive.

When Bones had bumped into Jim just outside the Med Bay door in that fateful night, he couldn’t believe his eyes. Jim Kirk, the most passionate and righteous man he knew, had committed an unthinkable act. The most intimate physical act between humans had been used as a weapon, and Bones wasn’t sure if he could ever have faith in his friend again. At the moment “friendship” was not the word Bones would use to describe the relationship between him and Jim – no, it more along the lines of “a very pissed off doctor vs. a cold-hearted captain”.

Khan’s physical condition might have improved, but even a blind man could tell he was hurting inside. The once so cocky terrorist seemed to have lost all his inner strength, and was nothing but an empty shell to the brilliant mind Bones knew the other man had. Most of the crew had silently taken Khan’s side, appalled by their captain’s savage actions. The handful of people still on Jim’s side were either too scared of their own position on the ship or didn’t care what was going on as long as they got paid. Things were going to change soon, if their plan worked accordingly.

~ ~ ~

“Captain, it is my duty as the first officer of this ship to inform you of your violation against Starfleet Regulations. You, as the acting Captain of the USS Enterprise, used your authority to subdue a prisoner of this ship while he was lying helpless at the ship’s Med Bay. Thus my recommendation is that you will be moved from your position immediately and placed into the brig”, Spock stated calmly. The crew present at the bridge held their breath as to what their hot-headed captain was going to say to those accusations. Surely the captain was not going to let it slide, not now when the atmosphere in the ship had been horrendously volatile since the episode with Khan.

“I don’t think so Mr. Spock”, Jim replied coolly, his blue eyes turning to icy stare. This was how his crew thanked him when he had been nothing but a good and caring captain? All this time they had been whispering nasty things behind his back, planning for mutiny. Those traitors! And they had even managed to turn Spock, the most logical of them all, against him. Surely Spock could see that all his actions had been borne out of necessity, instead from a twisted and sick mind as they put it. What he had done to Khan had been the only logical solution, and Jim Kirk was not going to let anybody take his ship away from him. But who was behind this ridiculous farce?

Oh yes, of course. He should have known better than to trust anyone. But damn it, Dr. Leonard McCoy could be a real Southern gentleman if he so wished to be. All those years when Jim had thought the good ole country doctor to be his best friend, it had all been a big lie. What a lie, to make Jim to trust McCoy so that eventually McCoy could steal his ship and his command. Oh, if Jim hadn’t been the one that had been betrayed he would have congratulated McCoy from a job well done. Excellent plan and what a convincing strategy – too bad for McCoy that Jim was smarter than him. Maybe that was why McCoy was so jealous of him that he would do anything to steal his ship.

He would deal with McCoy as soon as this farce was over. But first things first:

“You see, Mr. Spock, I was only acting with the crew’s best interest in mind. I’m sure you are aware of the content of Article 14, Section 31? Would you mind to present it to the other crew members as well, hmm?” Jim quipped back.

Spock merely raised his eyebrow, before replying: “Yes captain, I’m familiar with the Starfleet regulations. I believe the main point of the section in question is that it permits the use of ‘extraordinary measures’ in times of dire emergency. However, I fail to see how you forcefully raping an unwell prisoner in Med Bay is related to it. We were not in a dire emergency at the time of your crime, and thus you can’t use that regulation as a ground of your defense, Captain.”

“Are you telling me, Mr. Spock, that the lives of your captain and an important prisoner to Federation aren’t important? Both mine and Khan’s lives were at stake, and if that’s not a dire emergency then I don’t know what kind of situation could be counted as one”, Jim hissed, clearly on the edge of his patience.

“If I may speak, Captain?”

All the eyes turned to Carol Marcus. The young science officer was clearly nervous, but it didn’t stop her to stand bravely in front of her angered captain. It was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop to the floor. After staring Carol for what felt like an eternity, Jim waved his hand, giving the nervous woman a chance to speak.

“Captain, as one of the officers of your crew it’s my duty to inform you that based on Starfleet Order 104, Section C you have been relieved from your duties as a captain. Currently you are not psychologically fit for command, a fact that is supported by our Chief Medical Officer Dr. Leonard McCoy. As of this moment, Mr. Spock will take over as the ship’s captain and..”

The next few moments were nothing but a blur. Jim lost his temper completely, and lunged forward to get his hands on Carol. The crew tried to subdue their captain to no avail. Things were starting to look grim to say the least.

All of a sudden Khan made his way through the crowd until he reached Kirk. Khan grasped Jim from behind, holding the young captain in place in his embrace. Jim tried to fight Khan but he wouldn’t budge. That in turn gave Bones a chance to inject a dose of kayolane to Jim, finally knocking the captain unconscious. Only then did Khan let go of Jim.

When Bones and Spock started moving Jim to Med Bay for monitoring, all the eyes turned to Khan. What shocked the remaining members of the crew still in place was not the clearly suffering demeanor of Khan’s – it was the silent tears running freely from his blue-green eyes. Before anyone could react to Khan’s presence, he all but ran from the bridge, leaving everyone with a lot of pondering in their minds.

~ ~ ~

It took Selek a while to locate Khan from the vast and labyrinthine structures of the Enterprise. The old Vulcan had nearly given up hope to ever finding Khan, when he heard a muffled sob coming from the Observation Lounge. There, curled in a sitting position, was Khan, clearly distressed. Selek sighed at loss how to proceed. In his original timeline, Khan Noonien Singh had been a heartless killer, devoid of any empathy. However, the Khan of this time seemed to be completely different in that regard.

“Why does he hate me so much?” Khan whispered, turning to face Selek. “I have been searching him for so long, and now that I’ve finally found him it has been nothing but agony instead of joyous encounter. His emotions are jumbled and... well, something just doesn’t feel right with him.”

“I can’t offer you any good advice as to why young James is so strongly against your bond. All I know that the Jim I once knew would have never treated you that way” Selek pointed out. “From what I can gather, it was a right solution from Miss Marcus to challenge…”

Khan tensed, appearing to be more alert than just a moment ago. “Wait... did you say Miss Marcus? Is she related to Admiral Alexander Marcus by any chance?” Khan demanded from Selek. Something about the name Marcus was important to Khan, for reasons Selek had no idea.

“Apparently she’s the admiral’s daughter, trying to solve the puzzle as to why her father assigned Enterprise with experimental photon torpedoes. Why are so interested in her?”

“Because her father is the main reason all of this started. You see, Admiral Marcus revived me and recruited me under the name John Harrison to design weapons and ships for his own plans. He threatened to kill my fellow Augments if I didn’t co-operate with him... and I couldn’t let him to do that to my crew. They are my family, if not in blood but in every other way. I know you have no reason to believe me, but please, take a closer look at those torpedoes. Just… don’t tell any of this to Miss Marcus, please” Khan explained in a rush. 

Selek considered Khan’s words for a moment. The logical solution would be to do as Khan asked, merely because it might prove whether or not Khan was speaking the truth. However, Selek still remembered how the Khan he had met in his timeline had betrayed them all with a great price.

With that in mind, Selek left the Observation Lounge in search of Chekov, leaving Khan alone with his thoughts.

~ ~ ~

The meeting with Selek had left Khan with more questions than answers. It couldn’t be a mere coincidence that the daughter of the man who had manipulated Khan was onboard the very same spaceship than Khan. Something wasn’t right, and it was up to Khan to prove it.

Khan sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. Jim may have closed the bond between them with his gruesome act in the Med Bay, but it still didn’t make him feel any better mentally. Sure, now either of them was not going to die because of an uncompleted bond, but the way it had been done was barbaric to say the least. And people called **him** a terrorist! If only they knew that James T. Kirk wasn’t as innocent as people thought him to be.

Khan hadn’t been lying when he had told Selek how Jim’s emotions seemed sort of jumbled to him. It was as if there were two different minds inside Jim’s head, both with contradictory thoughts and agendas. Luckily for Khan, everybody else had noticed it as well – most importantly Dr. McCoy, who apparently was a very good friend of Jim’s. If he was lucky, he might be able to convince McCoy to take a closer look at Jim’s mind, even though the doctor had no reason to believe him in the first place.

Well, there was no time to lose. Khan mentally prepared himself for the upcoming conversation with McCoy, hoping for the best and fearing for the worst.

~ ~ ~

The only good thing about kayolane was that it would keep its recipient unconscious for several hours, a fact Bones was more than happy at the moment. As long as Jim stayed unconscious, he wouldn’t be doing any stupid stunts. To quote Shakespeare, something was rotten in the state of Denmark, and Bones was going to find out what it was.

“Can I speak to you for a moment, Dr. McCoy?”

Khan. Bones had to admit, if it wasn’t for the genetically-engineered man, their hopes of taming Jim would have been slim at best. It still didn’t mean Bones would trust Khan blindly, far from it. It was always better to be safe than sorry.

“I know you have no reason to believe me, but I’d like you to do something. Not for me, but for Jim”, Khan started, visibly waiting to be rejected. Bones couldn’t really blame the other man, not after the way Jim had treated him. How awful that must feel, to be rejected by your own soul mate? Still, it was better to be cautious than overly trusting.

“I want you to do a CT scan on Jim. I... I fear that something or someone is affecting to his ability to think straight… I can’t explain how I know it but I just do” Khan pleaded.

Bones had to admit he had been thinking along those some lines. Something was not right with Jim – his erratic behavior of late suggested so. Bones didn’t want to believe the obvious explanation despite all the facts were supporting it, but the idea of his best friend as mentally ill was something Bones had a hard time accepting. So maybe he was getting desperate to find some other solution, but then again, everyone knew that the bond between the soul mates allowed them to have an almost telepathic connection with each other. If Khan said he felt that something wasn’t right with Jim the chances were he was right.

Determined, Bones got to work, transporting the still unconscious Jim to the CT machine. It was now or never, since Bones doubted Jim would go anywhere near the machine if he were conscious. It felt like forever before the results of the scan were ready; both Bones and Khan were eagerly looking something, anything, that would help them to determine what was wrong with Jim. Bones’ mind grew more miserable the longer it took – seems like Khan was wrong after all.

“What is that”?

Bones enlarged the section Khan was pointing at. To his horror it looked like someone had planted... well, **something** that was not supposed to be attached to Jim’s hypothalamus. Zooming even closer, Bones could barely see the manufacture’s code embedded into the strange device. Maybe that would help them to uncover who had planted…

“Excellent, you’re both here. We need to talk.”

Bones and Khan turned to face Selek and Chekov – the young Chief Engineer looked like he was about to burst with information, whereas the old Vulcan was as calm as ever.

“When you requested me to take a closer look at the experimental torpedoes, were you aware of the fact that each of the torpedoes has a cryotube inside them?” Selek enquired, clearly expecting an honest answer.

All eyes turned to Khan, who didn’t even flinch under their scrutiny. After a pause Khan replied, telling that yes, he had known about the cryotubes since he had been the one to install them in the first place. As to why he had done it – well, he hadn’t been able to think of any other way to rescue his crew, his family, from the clutches of Admiral Marcus. When Marcus had realized what Khan had done, things had taken a turn for the worse.

“I thought my family was dead. I… I wanted to revenge their death someway, to let the world know that Admiral Marcus wasn’t as immaculate as he made them believe. I wanted their death to mean something” Khan admitted. For a moment he looked like a lost boy instead of the hard-boiled soldier everybody knew he was. Then the moment was gone, and a mask of indifference settled over Khan’s features.

“But all of this is for nothing, unless we can find out who planted the mystery device on my mate’s brains. Until you figure it out, Doctor McCoy, I’ll be in my quarters” Khan pointed out, leaving the Med Bay in an instant.

“It’s Bones, and I’m already working on it. The Starfleet Medical Database should give us some results sooner or later” Bones muttered to himself, his fingers tapping information to one of the computers nearby. It took almost half an hour before the results were in, and Bones had to pinch himself before he could believe his eyes.

“This is… it can’t be. From what I can gather from this article, the whole idea of this… nanodevice is to control subject’s thoughts and emotions via hypothalamus. It says here that the nanodevice in question was signed out by Dr. Carol Marcus, but why?” Bones wondered aloud.

“You were not supposed to figure that out, Doctor McCoy.”

Everyone turned to the door, facing Carol Marcus who had just stepped in with several unknown Starfleet officers. To their horror, the officers were all heavily armed, ready to spring to action from Carol’s command. Carol herself was armed with Khan’s beam cannon, and by the look of it the weapon was ready to use. 

“My father and I, we had it all planned. It’s only a matter of time before the Klingon Empire launches a full-blown war against the Federation, and we are all fools if we don’t prepare for it beforehand. Recruiting Khan was one of his wisest decisions – if only the fool had done what we asked instead of starting his own personal agenda. It’s a shame, really, that we have to kill him now. Oh well, we can always revive one of his crew members – I’m sure one of them is going to be _delighted_ to help us. The Augments are nothing but savages, thirsty for power” Carol declared, all the while having everyone at gunpoint. The officers had placed themselves around the Med Bay so that it was nigh impossible to escape without getting shot.

“We made some great plans to ensure our success, in case something went wrong. Did you think it was a coincidence that Selek is aboard this ship, on this particular mission? Oh yes, as the head of Starfleet my father has access to all the files, including the most classified ones. He concluded that Selek must have met another Khan in his timeline as there seems to be so many similarities between these two timelines. Not that Selek would ever tell us **anything** of importance, hmmh? Something about ‘not interfering with the events of this timeline’, was it, Selek? Or would you rather be called Spock? Either way, we wanted someone who knew how dangerous Khan is and who would be willing to… terminate him if necessary.

And the nanodevice? When we realized that Khan and Kirk were soul mates, we realized neither was going to be willing to kill another. So I did what had to be done. Controlling Jim Kirk was piece of cake… you would have thought that the celebrated captain of Starfleet would have more control of his mind. Interesting things there, waiting to be uncovered. If only you knew…” Carol continued, smiling smugly.

“Sadly, since you all know too much you all must die. How unfortunate that the flagship of Starfleet should be the first casualty in the war against the Klingon Empire.”

The communication system became live: _”This is Captain Spock speaking. An unmarked Starfleet vessel is approaching our ship. Dr. McCoy, please report to the bridge. Spock out.”_

With a few short orders, Carol and her henchmen guided everyone off the Med Bay and towards the bridge. Bones stole a glance at still unconscious Jim and hoped that they would all survive this madness.

~ ~ ~

The corridors of the Enterprise were unnaturally silent. No wonder though, as it appeared that Carol had beamed several others of his father’s officers (for that’s who they were) aboard and they were making sure that no one would cause any harm.

Bones, Selek and Chekov were pushed none too gently at the bridge, where the communication screen was already alive. Admiral Marcus was just about to address Spock, when he noticed the newcomers.

“Ah, Ambassador Selek. How nice of you to join us. Or should I say Mr. Spock, since we all already know about your true identity?” Marcus taunted the old Vulcan. Selek didn’t bother to reply, for all he knew Admiral was a dangerous man with a potentially destructive agenda. It was for the best not to rouse the Admiral unnecessarily.

“Spock, I wasn’t expecting to get word that Jim Kirk had taken Harrison into custody in violation of his orders” Marcus continued. 

“We had to improvise when our warp core unexpectedly malfunctioned, sir. Although I’m certain you are already aware of it, since this ship is swarming with your men and your daughter is holding us at the gunpoint. I fail to see how any of your actions are logical in any way” Spock replied calmly.

“Let me explain it to you, son, in a way that your Vulcan mind can grasp the logic behind this all. I took a tactical risk and I woke that bastard up, believing that his superior intelligence could help us protect ourselves from whatever came at us next. But I made a mistake. And now the destruction he has caused is on my hands. So I’m asking you, give him to me so that I can end what I started.”

“Admiral Marcus, as the acting captain of this ship, I must point out to you that our original plan per Starfleet regulation was to return Khan to Earth to stand trial for his actions. However, now that we’ve discovered… certain facts about Khan and your role on his revival, I don’t think you have the authority to treat us like this” Spock commented. “Were you really expecting me to fire the rest of Khan’s crew at the Klingons, ending 72 lives and start a war in the process? As the head of the Starfleet you should know that we Vulcans base our actions in pure logic instead of emotions and impulses.”

“Ah, but you are not a full Vulcan, are you, Mr. Spock? If I recall from the Captain’s log from the time of the Narada incident, you lashed out to Jim Kirk in a manner that **humans** are known for, instead of relying on logic the real Vulcans so love” Marcus tantalized Spock, in hopes of getting a reaction from the young Vulcan. 

“Did you know, Spock, that Khan put those people in those torpedoes? And I simply didn’t want to burden your _precious_ predecessor with the knowledge what was inside of them. You saw what this man can do all by himself. Can you imagine what would happen if we woke up the rest of his crew? What else did he tell you? That he’s a peacekeeper? He’s playing you, son, don’t you see that? Khan and his crew were condemned to death as war criminals. And now it’s our duty to carry out that sentence before somebody dies because of him” Marcus continued his tirade.

“This is a waste of time, father. Beam me back to the Vengeance so we can get rid of these pathetic excuses of Starfleet officers and Khan in one go” Carol interrupted, sounding bored. It was spine-chilling how calm and composed Carol was, despite the fact she was holding a vast majority of the Enterprise crew at gunpoint. Classic signs of a sociopath, Bones thought to himself. And here he had thought Carol was one of the good guys! Looks could be so deceiving.

Once Carol and her henchmen had been beamed back to Enterprise, the crew of Enterprise could only hope that their end would be quick and painless. They had no chance of winning Vengeance in a battle, but maybe…

“Mr Chekov, can we warp?” Spock inquired.

“Sir, if we go to warp, we run the risk of seriously damaging the core!” Chekov exclaimed, already making his way back to the Engineering. It might be a slim chance, but in a hopeless situation as they were currently in, a slim chance was better than not having a chance at all.

Spock ordered Sulu to set the course to Earth, knowing full well that logically speaking their chances were minimal at best. One didn’t serve alongside Jim Kirk without absorbing some of his traits, you could say. Sometimes it was for the best to leave the logic aside. Chekov initiated the warp, and soon they were on their way back to Earth.

“If you think you’re safe at warp, you’re wrong.”

All the heads turned to face Khan, who had made his way to the bridge. There was a new kind of determination in his posture and appearance – almost as if he had been brought back to life with the suggestion of battle against Admiral Marcus.

“Marcus has been developing a ship that has advanced warp capabilities. He’s gonna catch up with us, and when he does…”

“Captain! I’m getting a reading I don’t understand” Sulu shouted. But it was all too late, as the Vengeance had caught up with them and was firing phasers at them. The first volley caused a major hull breach in engineering, killing dozens of crewmembers in an instant. The next volley crippled the Enterprise’s warp nacelle, causing Enterprise to drop out of warp speed. Things were not looking great for the Enterprise and its crew to put it mildly.

“Where are we, Mr Sulu?” Spock commanded.

“We’re 237,000 kilometres from Earth.”

“Damage report!”

“Weapons are way down and shields are dropping. We’re defenceless, sir” Sulu sighed in desperation. There was no way they were going to survive this, not with this kind of damage and a much powerful starship pursuing them.

“Incoming message, sir!” Uhura shouted.

Soon the bridge was filled with Admiral Marcus’ voice: _“Spock, without authorization and in league with the fugitive John Harrison, you went rogue in enemy territory, leaving me no choice but to hunt you down and destroy you. Lock phasers.”_

“But sir…” Spock interrupted.

_“I’ll make this quick. Target all aft torpedoes on the Enterprise bridge”_ Marcus commanded his crew.

What was supposed to be a lethal hit against Enterprise and her crew didn’t happen. To everyone’s amazement, the weapons of Vengeance suddenly powered down, saving Enterprise from utter destruction.

_”Enterprise! Can you hear me?”_

“Mr Scott, what are you doing aboard Vengeance?” Spock inquired.

“Well, Chekov contacted me, telling me about the strange torpedoes and the cryotubes inside. It did take some effort, but with the help of Keenser I managed hack into the Starfleet database and got me some coordinates to work with. Guess what I found behind Jupiter? And seeing as I’ve just committed an act of treason against a Starfleet Admiral, I’d really like to get off this bloody ship. Now beam me out!” Scotty replied, trying to find a spot in the Vengeance where he wouldn’t be found easily.

“We still have a problem.”

Khan appeared to be standing completely at ease, but Bones noticed the slight tension in his posture. It had been a too close of a call to everyone.

“We cannot fire and we cannot flee. Our options are limited at best.”

Suddenly the whole ship lurched, spiraling down to Earth and fast. The main power had finally failed.

“Everybody, abandon ship, now!” Spock commanded.

“Sir, we have no backup power left, we’re going to crash!” Chekov shouted somewhere from the Engineering section.

“Not if I have something to say about it”, Khan declared, making his way to the Engineering as fast as possible. He had to act fast, before it was too late for him to save his mate from dying.

~ ~ ~

It took more time than it should have been for Khan to reach the warp core, as the Enterprise was fumbling and shaking uncontrollably. Khan merely needed to glance the warp core to see that the injectors had been broken. He was about to enter the warp core when Selek stopped him.

“Are you certain of your actions?” the old Vulcan questioned the younger man.

“I’ve never been more certain. Look… I don’t know what ‘I’ did to you or your Jim in your time, but I… I try to make a difference. Even if my soul mate despises me for who and what I am, I’m still not going to let him die. Not like this, not from the hands of a man that has already caused me so much pain and grief. I want him to live. I’ve been waiting for so long to finally find him, and now that he’s here, with me, I’m going to fight to keep him as mine” Khan rambled in a rush. If the Vulcan so much as _thought_ of stopping him, Khan wouldn’t be responsible for his actions. Any time soon it would be too late to do anything to fix things.

“Then go and do what you must.”

Khan nodded, making his way inside the warp core with Jim in his mind.

~ ~ ~

_Something… something wasn’t right. The dark cloud that had been shadowing his mind the past few days was gone, but instead of feeling happy he felt… empty. As if someone had cut out a piece of him and thrown it away. But it couldn’t…. no. No._

_At the same time, he felt safe and loved and complete, something he had never felt before. There was something… something bad that he had done, something so awful and dishonorable that he would rather die than repeat those actions. Was he forgiven? He couldn’t remember._

_Something very important was missing, and Jim had no idea what it was._

~ ~ ~

Slowly, Jim came to himself, groaning. It was as if someone had hit his internal organs with a rapier, repeatedly. His mouth tasted like rotten Andorian cabbage and there were a group of Dekendi dancing before his eyes. Kayolane it was then. Shit, he hated the aftereffects of any hypospray Bones managed to inject him with.

There was something else though. Something really, really important that Jim ought to remember.

Khan. Where was his mate? Jim was about to sit up in his sickbed, when Bones arrived out of nowhere besides his bed.

“Good, you’re awake. Do you… Jim, do you remember anything from the past few days?” Bones asked, clearly concerned.

Jim tried his best, but all he could think of were miscellaneous bits and pieces. He remembered the confusion when he first discovered that Khan was his soul mate; how the idea of submitting himself to someone more **male** had terrified him. But since Jim couldn’t feel the bond straying anymore, it meant he had to have given in and submitted to Khan. Right?

No, that wasn’t it. There was something about Khan and sickbay, something dark and forbidden. Oh God.

“I…. I raped him, didn’t I?”

Bones didn’t need to say anything to confirm Jim’s suspicions. What had he done? It was a miracle he was still alive – Khan surely would have ended his life if he so wished.

“Look, for what it’s worth, you weren’t yourself at the time. Carol Marcus blackmailed one of the nurses to place a nanodevice inside your brain so she and her father could control you. What happened was…”

While Bones was explaining everything that had happened during the time of his mind control, all Jim could feel was all-consuming numbness that spread throughout his whole body.

~ ~ ~

“So, let me get this straight. Even **after** I raped him, Khan still sacrificed himself to save the whole ship?” Jim asked suspiciously. That was… not what he had expected.

“Not quite. I sacrificed myself so that you would live.” Khan had made his way by Jim’s bedside, looking Jim warily. The older man looked even more pale than usual, and a hard glare from Bones had him sitting on the chair besides Jim’s bed in no time.

“For the last time, Khan, just because you’re a superhuman you still need to rest to make sure you’re fully recovered from your **radiation poisoning**! You almost got yourself killed with your stupid stunt, Augment or not! Now get back to your bed before I freeze your ass again!” Bones commanded, irritated that his patient wouldn’t stay in his bed like he was supposed to. Damn the stubborn Augment! Now that Jim was awake as well it was going to be torture to at least try to maintain some sort of professionalism in his Med Bay.

“On a second thought, do as you will. I’ll be in my office.”

With those last words, Bones turned on his heel and left the two most hard-headed men he knew to figure some essential things alone.

For a while neither Jim nor Khan found it difficult to talk. Jim because he feared that Khan would despise him for what he had done; Khan because he had no idea whether or not Jim would truly accept him as his mate now that he wasn’t mind controlled anymore.

“Look, I…” “I’m sorry that….”

Both started talking simultaneously, stopping abruptly when they heard the other had started speaking as well. 

“We’re not really good with this, are we?” Jim finally deadpanned.

A slight smirk rose to Khan’s face. “I suppose we’re not. Given everything that’s happened, it’s not really surprising.”

Jim struggled with his next words. “Look, I know what I did to you was unforgivable. I violated every single morale code I’ve ever believed in, and I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I’m humbled by the fact that you still chose to save me, and my crew in the process, when you could have left me to die and free yourself from our bond.”

A flash of some unknown feeling _(Love? Hate? Passion? Disgust? All of the above?)_ made its way to Khan’s eyes. It was gone as fast as it had appeared, but something in Khan’s demeanor had changed.

“I could never free myself from our bond, not truly. When I was born on 1976…”

“Wait, what? 1976? You’re what… 300 years older than I am!” Jim exclaimed.

“257 years to be exact, even though that’s not the point” Khan smirked. “The point is, I’ve been waiting quite a while to be united with my mate, and I’d be a fool to throw away this chance now that I’ve finally accomplished it. I want to be with you, no matter what. Call me a fool if you want to, but it’s not going to stop my desire for you. What you did to me was nothing compared to things we were asked to perform during the Eugenics Wars. I should be the one asking for your forgiveness, not the other way around.”

Jim was speechless. His mate was forgiving him, just like that? After what Jim had done to him? What the hell was going on?

“Look, I think it would be for the best if we started from the beginning” Khan pondered. “My name is Khan Noonien Singh, and I’m very pleased to meet you, James Tiberius Kirk” Khan continued, holding out his hand to Jim.

Jim grasped Khan’s hand, wondering silently that perhaps they could work this out together. It would take time, yes, and there would be days when it would be unbearable, but somehow, Jim had faith for them together.

“Nice to meet you, Khan Noonien Singh. Tell me about yourself.”


End file.
